nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
