We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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