There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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