my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
