I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
