you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
