There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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