Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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