i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
