I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
