eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
