4 words: hood of his car
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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