and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did we literally take a cab across the street
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
