I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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