Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
