dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
