if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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