Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
