i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
