so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I cut my penus on the lid.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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