So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
