I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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