Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
