you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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