Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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