when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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