He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
