It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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