Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am one with the molecules
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
