Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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