dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
