Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Send help, water and tortillas.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
