I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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