I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The beer is more important than you right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
