Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
