We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
