And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
