she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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