i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
