apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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