omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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