You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
