In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
