I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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