Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was born a porn star she said
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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