I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
