Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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