all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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