On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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