Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
